If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
