i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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