Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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