Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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