Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
