You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
