Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
