the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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