naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
