Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
