You're completely useless in the revolution.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
