D3 body, D1 cock
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
