I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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