I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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