he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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