What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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