Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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