At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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