Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
