so that wasnt chicken after all
My cat gives me a boner
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
