You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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