So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
