GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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