I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
