Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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