the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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