this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
