I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
