it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
