he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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