toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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