Umm I'm too high to move.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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