Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
