And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
