you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
