On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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