loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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