Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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