So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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