okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
