No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
