she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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