My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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