my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
