Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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