im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
