im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
