I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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