I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
