Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
